Updates and Blah

Hello all,

I hope all is well with you and your families. It's crunch time for most undergraduates, and as one, I have been uber busy--sometimes I forget to sleep.

I am really happy for two of my best friends who are graduating in a week or so. They are getting their degrees and probably going to wonderful graduate schools...

I have been struggling still--But I am Happy this time. God never puts more on us than we can handle, so I have been taking comfort in that. I no longer worry if I can't pay my bills--no matter what happens, I serve a God who can take care of it all. I am so happy, I don't know what to do with myself. Even when I get down, I pray and I feel all better. Who knew prayer was a cureall? (That last statement was kind of sacrastic because I have been told that my whole life and never listened...)

Well anyway, I have decided to stop listening to mainstream hip-hop/rap. I find myself so disappointed in the quality of songs that are released that I am flabbergasted that they are actually songs--seriously, who approves this stuff?

Underground hip-hop is really where music is. Underground music in general. Its so good, its almost like it's forbidden, which makes it better.

The only music that I will post this time is underground albums by Andre' 3000. Next time, I will not only have more underground music, but Gospel as well. You can Google them and find free downloads (some you may have to sign up for, but for music its worth it right?) and Whole Foods took the longest to find, but it was worth it. I would tell you where to find it, but I forgot. I will tell you one site:
http://tbohiphop.net/ Here you can find all sorts of mixtapes and the get them free, you just have to post to their forums to get the download link.

Andre 3k Mixtapes


Whole Foods
Back to the Future
Three Stacks
Alter Ego

Until then

Peace and Blessings,

Bumble

Bumblings

Bumblings--definition: Bumble's ramblings

Has anyone ever wondered why it's so hard to wake up when it's raining? Seriously. I have the hardest time waking up-- it like the rain drains all my energy. Today I missed three classes because I overslept. I was tired from work, but the rain drained the last drop of energy from me.

Why is it that when a car alarm goes off, if there are any Police or security around they look at black people? Tonight, after spending six hours in the library completing various projects, I traveled to my car in the parking garage behind the library. This white boy is traveling from car to car, and I (with keys in hand for safety) head straight to my car. As I got in, the white boy open the door and the alarm goes off in the blue truck. I crank up--I'm black, it's two am and at a predominantly white university.Who do you think is going to get charged with the crime? Soon as I close my door, hear comes officer rent a cop bka USC Police. I back out and proceed to exit the garage. The cop followed me! So I stopped, and crossed my arms. He slowly rode around with that 'I'm not profiling you, I promise you' face but he circled around and came back up the ramp. So I called, and reported it. But I doubt that anything will be done about it.

I just needed to wind down.

That's all,

Peace and blessings
Bumble

Just read My Bestie's Blog

I am a little offended at the conversation that my best friend had with a person online. Not at the actual topics, but the person's attitude about the thing--I mean if you want to be a vegan and you want to be passionate about it that is fine, but DO NOT BRING DOMESTIC ANIMALS INTO THE ARGUMENTS! That is for one, not a fair fight, after all, there are foods that humans choose to eat, and to bring a pet into the argument not only nullifies the argument, but it shows the person who isn't a vegan that there is no point in becoming one--you have to resort to insulting a person to make them feel guilty. Ask me why being an omnivore is great, I will tell you it's because I can choose from a variety of foods without being bored. Now, normally that doesn't offend me, but I know how much Gabe loves her cats. Now, I may not care for cats in general, but to insult a person based on what animals they have is just wrong and immature.

But that's it, more randomness later. After some getting some work done, I may post a music list.

Peace and blessings
Bumble.

I hope you like the new layout

Today is a better day! I hope all is well with you and yours! Shouts to my extended family, the Robinsons in Florida, and in Columbia, the Paynes and the Elkins-Heatley-Scott...


That's it...just randomness :)

Peace and Blessings
Bumble

Resurrection day, Resurrected spirit

Today, my pastor preached about the reason for today. God loves us so much that he cannot hate us, because he is in us. He sent Jesus because Adam loved Eve so much that he sacrificed his life for her. We are saved because of agape love: Adam loved Eve without conditions and God loves us the very same way. God loves us so much that he can't hate us! That is a powerful love!

Furthermore, love covers a multitude of sin. Mothers think about how much you love your children. That is almost exactly how much God loves us.

Agape love. How many of can love unconditionally? None. We as a society date WITH conditions. Furthermore, if those conditions aren't continuously satisfied after they've been met, we leave/divorce people. Agape love? We don't know what love is.

Pastor also spoke about the power we have in that Agape love. God sent his only begotten son to save us. Can you imagine creating human life, knowing that that creation will hurt you? Would you still create it? You wouldn't. The power in the love God has for us enables us to have power. You aren't merely human, you are a child of God! He gave us his power! And when Adam gave that power away Jesus had to go and take that power back from the depths of hell! And he had to be human to go to hell! He had to give his life so that he could save us. He had to inherit ALL sin while on the cross, nailed at the hands and feet, suffocating to death. Furthermore, death couldn't just take him because he created it--which means that he had to submit to his own creation in order to give us the chance to be saved!


Imagine that kind of love. And yet he still gave us the ability to CHOOSE to worship him.

We were created to serve God and to magnify him, and to partake in agape love with him.

That's powerful.

I have a renewed spirit--never before had I thought about Jesus' love that way. Everyone is capable of that kind of love. But will you?

My twitter name changed 3 weeks ago to Soulfli.


That's it. Happy RESURRECTION Day!

Peace and blessings,
Bumble

Well....

I actually hesitated posting this blog. I know my best friend will be reading this, and I don't want her to worry. But I need to get this off my chest... Because it is creating a massive amount of stress...

I haven't been feeling the best in the world lately. I have unsuccessfully failed at achieveing goals, I am not the woman I should be, nor am I the woman that I could be. I am so tired of my life. It seems somedays that I am in a constant struggle just to make it to the next breath. I don't know what to do.

I try to remain cheerful, because afterall, who wants to be around a wet rag all the time? The worst part of it is, is that my 22nd birthday is coming up. And I am still struggling with what I want to do in life.

I used to think I wanted to be a doctor, and part of me still wants to be--but truthfully, I work to hard to support myself and am involved with to much stuff to even be a likely candidate. Most days I am too tired to sleep. Imagine that. Too tired to sleep and too tired that my brain won't recognize words, so I can't study. Which of course makes me feel like a bigger failure.

What do you do when you done all you can? Donnie McClurkin says stand, but what if you have been standing so long, your legs are about to collapse from sheer exhaustion? It seems I have been fighting my whole life for something--I fought to escape the hood I lived in, I fought to prove that I am not just some statistic, I fought the family demons, I have fought my own demons, I fought racism and sexism, I fought classism from my own people. I have fought so long and so hard that I have forgotten what I was fighting for. These degrees absolutely mean nothing to me. I am just that tired. I am actually wishing at this moment that I never went to college.

I am a fighter. But I have been fighting for more than 16 years to escape... Ghetto survival is not to be glorified. I feel like the shell of a human. The scars that I have run deep--even when I actually sleep I am haunted--haunted by God because I focus on myself insttead of him when things get too hard.

I am just simply tired. I don't have a postive outlook on life--I can never have one. I am losing my dreams, the ones I used to have as a child, the ones they told you to hold on to and never let go of... My grip is almost gone, and reality is stomping on those dreams, and stomping them to death.

I have been fighting with every drop that is in my sinew. I have tried to be the change that I wanted to see in the world. I have given everything in me to accomplish my goals. I feel like John McCain. All his life he wanted to be president. But God allowed Barack Obama to become president so that he could give hope to people. Sadly, McCain's dream of becoming president was crushed so that millions could have hope. I don't want to be a sacrificial lamb. I don't want my dreams crushed. I don't want to suffer that kind of pain.


That's it for now...it's getting kind of long.


Peace and Blessings
Bumble

P.S. Check out these songs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFRCh0Jz44w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfxaNR71tYM

<3 +2

I just caught up on the bestie's blog. ( I told you I had no time), and she sent me a shout out. So I will do the same.

Even though she loves pink and cats ( Smile Gabe), she is one of the greatest people in the world! I have no doubt that she will change the world one day. We come from two different worlds, are two completely different people, but we fit together like hands and gloves.

Last year, when I was struggling beyond belief ( I was working 4 jobs while being an undergraduate student), Gabe was there for me, even though I felt like I didn't deserve it.

Even with her anxiety, she listened to me as I told her about how bad things were ( I was completely ready to do the unthinkable). She is more than a friend--always checking up on me, and making sure things are alright....

She is the greatest pink loving girl ever. And I say that as a purple dog lover.

Peace and blessings

Bumble

Well it's Been a While...

Still Have Random thoughts...just haven't had the time to post them....^_^......

In fact, I am supposed to be in class right now, and I am skipping class to make up for another class that I am behind on, and where am I? Blogging.

Sometimes I fear that I am too much of a free spirit. I do what I feel is necessary. The hardest part of that is, when you serve God, you have to be willing to do what he says, not what you feel.

Yup, sometimes I feel like a basket-case. I am always torn by what I should do and what I do.

Well, I haven't posted a music list lately, so I will at this moment...

I am torn between artists you probably haven't heard of or a Lover's Groove....

Decisions, Decisions....You'll figure it out eventually.

1. Call on Me Keke Wyatt




2. Can You Stop The Rain Peabo Bryson




3. Goodbye Alicia Keys




4. I Refuse Urban Mystic




5. Your Portrait Urban Mystic




6. DeepDrown Hula Maxwell




7. Pimp in Me J. Holiday




8. Soulmate Raheem Devaughn




9. Storm (Forcass) Jamie Foxx




10. Tonight Xscape




11. Weather the Storm Kindred The Family Soul




12. Spanish Guitar Toni Braxton




13. Yesterday Shanice




14. If You Love Me Mint Condition




15. FunkyDope Lovin Keith Sweat




16. Love Ballad LTD




17. Send For Me Atlantic Starr




18. She Can't Love You Destiny's Child




19. Chills Fatty Koo




20. Anatomy 1-on-1 Mya




21. In the Middle Trey Songz




22. Dandelion Tevin Campbell




23. One Night Only (Highlights Edition) Jennifer Hudson




24. What Happened Algebra Blessett

Peace and Blessings

Bumble.